I can’t remember the last time I’ve danced on stage let alone taken a dance class until tonight. It’s been at least four years probably five since I’ve stepped into a dance studio. Time has flown by and one of the very ways I express myself did too.
When we thought we were going to start a family I gave up dance. I told myself it was ok and maybe at the time it was, but looking back now I see how much dance was a part of me that has been missing over the years.
When the ‘family’ didn’t happen, grief took over and the idea of what I thought I was going to be or who I was deep down was lost. I’m just now realizing how this all played out and it makes me sad.
Sad for the would haves and could haves. But I have to continue to put that behind me. I have to continue to find myself. And one way of doing that is stepping foot into the studio again. Allowing myself to move freely to the music, to breathe through the choreography, to laugh at myself as I did tonight, and to just be me.
I don’t know where this will take me but the healing has begun, yet again. I feel like it comes in waves or pieces. And the order in which you heal may not make sense, but when does life ever make sense? I have to trust the universe is giving me exactly what I need right now and that is to dance.
And of course continue with yoga teacher training – the guiding force behind returning to the dance studio. I’m ever grateful to my yoga teachers, Angela & Virginia, for opening my eyes to the reasons behind my second chakra being blocked and how self expression [insert dance here] is one of the ways to help bring it back in balance.